December '05 Paht-neh Of The Month: Dassance Resler

Meet Dassance!

Full name: Dassance Freaking Resler.

Place Of Birth: Newfield, New York (In a log cabin in the woods that her daddy built with his own two hands. Honest to god.)

Astrological sign: Gemini.

Marital status: Single.

Turn-Ons: The Knuckleheads; artichokes; bourbon; billiards; her cat Toulouse (...Toulouse?); roller derby; creative people; men with mullets.

Turn-Offs: Investment bankers; animals in human clothes; flying palmetto bugs; shellfish; Euro-fags who play grab-ass and don't tip.

More Dassance facts: Thankfully, employs the Americanized pronunciation of "DASS-ence," rather than the annoyingly French-sounding "des-SAWNZzzz"...hangs with the Produce Section, rounding out a decidedly fetching trio of Knucklefunk supporters...quit smoking this past year ("Feels good to kick that nic-bitch square in the teeth, dont' it?")...has a problem with red states, and claims the electoral college is stupid...in 2001, attended what is believed to be the Knuckleheads' only shirtless performance, at Continental, and her emotional scars have yet to heal...the only Paht-neh of the Month ever to instruct the K-heads to "feel free to just blatantly make anything up you want" in regards to her Paht-neh page...in addition to being a delightful lady and fun to be around, is also extremely attractive (see photo) and the Knuckleheads appreciate her patronage! We salute Dassance Resler!!! Wassup now Paht-neh!!!