Born on a musty, wind-blown Dallas morning sometime in 1992, The Ree spent her formulative months planning her escape from the wretched Lone Star State. In her own words, "If I owned Texas, I'd rent it out and live in hell." After a brief stint in California (where her owner, Hano, threw up on a golf course after taking ecstasy), Ree-Ree moved to The Big Apple. She is now quietly living out her Golden Years in the peace and comfort of an obscenely tiny East Village apartment, where her hobbies include pig ear consumption, wall-shattering snoring, and explosive diarrhea. The Ree would like to take this opportunity to give a special shout-out to her canine paht-neh Lucy, who "keeps it real by keeping it squeal." She has also made it her lifelong goal to alert the world to how much J-Lo sucks. One love, y'all. Peace out.
Lucy White
Lucy was birthed in 1998, somewhere deep in the Ozarks. She resembles an 8-pound, wingless bat. She currently resides in a posh penthouse in the Yorkville area of the Upper East Side, with her two slaves, Spence (the most uppity) and The Deem. She has a pathological hatred for precipitation, elderly women, minorities, German Shepards, skateboards, and especially cardboard boxes. She would like to thank Leo (and, posthumously, Ree-Ree) for occasionally lending her Hano, her favorite part-time slave. Lucy loves velveeta, Lucy loves carrots, and Lucy loves The Knuckleheads...but most of all, Lucy loves Lucy.
Leo burst onto the mean streets of inner-city Baltimore in early 2006, and presently resides in Hoboken, NJ. He tips the scales at a healthy 24 pounds. Puttin the "C" in C.R.L. (Crazy Retard Look), he is equally comfortable eating his leash or snapping at the dog whisperer. When not ingesting live ants, he enjoys spewing obscenities ("Eff me? Eff YOU!!!"), chasing blue raquetballs, and, if time permits, staring at Hano with crossed eyes. In spite of his young age, Leo has loads of potential, and is a keeper. Oh yeah, and he's also rumored to be a little "sweet in the collar," if you know what we mean...not that there's anything wrong with that.
