Dateline - March 25, 2007
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Immediately following the Knuckleheads' most recent performance at east side club Underground, two heads of rival local civic groups held a joint press conference that could best be described as "acramonious at best." At the heart of the issue: The Knuckleheads and Their Relevance in Today's Society.
Said Jon Shaver of PFETP (People For the Ethical Treatment of Paint): "You listen to me, my friend, and listen good. I just blew an hour and a half listening to those two idiots singing songs about doo-doo, when I could have spent it doing something constructive!"
Replied Fergus O'Malley of HAF (Hats Are Fun): "I'm sorry if this brings you agita Jon, but I feel now as I have always felt--The Knuckleheads are a mitzva, a cocky MITZVA!!"
Club owner Hury issued a statement the following morning: "Yeah, we got a open mic...but it ain't that open."
Repeated calls to Frank Petrow were ignored.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - In a swift and stunning attack (defensive as it may be) on both the Daily News and "Hate-uhs the world over," the Knuckleheads today decried the way they have been depicted once again in both the print and electronic media.
Said Knucklehead Hano: "Once again the drive-by media and Kenneth Cohen have chosen to malign us, rather than sit down with us at Phil Hughes and drink Budwizah."
"I concur," added the Inspector. "Isn't it more fun to DO shots with the K-heads than to TAKE shots at them?"
Comments were made at a press conference to promote the Second Not-So-Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy Night, hosted by the Knuckleheads. As the event drew to a close, Hano mounted a table and screamed, "If you prick me, will I not bleed?!!" to which Spence replied, "Yeah, you'll bleed bourbon." To which Hano replied, "Oh, that's really funny, Spence."
~Jon Shaver, UPI
