April 1st, 2009
KNUCKLEHEADS RAISE $12,700 FOR CHARITIES IN MARCH
On March 6th, the Fifth Not-So-Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy Night was once again a smashing success by any standard. $2700 raised for the Lucas Reiling Cancer Fund, with over 200 in attendance. Special thanks to all our talented performers, including Ames Crawford, Vito Lantz, Andrew Martinez, Ted McElroy, Andrea Rosen, Jim Dodge, Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald, Becky Donohue, and bagpipes legend Colin Nisbet. As always, a special shout out to the Elks crew, led by Hoboken mayoral candidate Tom Foley, for their their latest world-class culinary smorgasbord of butta-leg goodness. CLICK HERE for a video recap, courtesy of the friendly folks at Hoboken411.com.
The weekend of March 28th found the Knuckleheads terrorizing Spence's hometown of Lynchburg, Virginia, at the grand opening of Isabella's Italian Trattoria, in a benefit for the Jubilee Family Development Center.Would you believe 160 Lynchburgers coughed up $75 a pop to sample fine Italian cuisine, get their open-bar drink on, and witness this full-on horror show in person for a worthy cause. Over $10,000 raised, and nobody got hurt! Many thanks to Kennon for her tireless efforts in putting it all together, Cheri for getting the place ready, and to the fine people of Lynchburg for their generous hospitality, bourbon, and country food.
May 14th, 2008
FOURTH HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT BREAKS RECORD
Friends of Elkdom: The Fourth Not-So-Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy Night on May 2nd shattered its previous record, with $4290 in gate receipts alone. This makes a nice net of over $2900 for the Edwin Chius Scholarship Fund and the Play It Smart program. Once again, over 200 Hobokenites in attendance.
Thanks in part to Elk Tom Foley's borderline paranoia about running out of food, pretty much everybody in attendance ate way too damn much. Sausage and peppers, fish cakes, linguine with clam sauce, and Foley's Famous Meatballs were once again the order of the day. This now infamous spread once inspired Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald to exclaim, "You give me wings, horns, and a snout, and I could scorch the European countryside with some of the belches I'm putting out from that Italian food in there!"
Bagpipes legend Colin Nisbet mixed it up this time around, with his own versions of the classic "Star Wars" theme and Rod Stewart's "If You Want My Body," modeling his brand new, stylish Utilikilt.
Once the Knuckleheads had sufficiently revved up the crowd with their requisite combination of music and retardation, Rick Younger took the stage, and proceeded to play the Edwin Chius Grill Room like a cheap fiddle. Zero Boy, a self-described freak, showcased his verbal acrobatics to the crowd's delight. After running to get there from Harlem, Michelle Buteau wiped the sweat off her brow and delivered a knockout set. Thank you Michelle! Michelle Maryk performed a piece from her one woman show, "Spleen: Life Lessons from an Inappropriate Drunk," behaving, of course, quite inappropriately, you know, in a good way. Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald of ESPN.com fame was next, with his usual blistering anti-New York Sports rant, brilliant as always. Even the bartenders step out from behind the stick to watch Fitzy. Tom Cotter, our gracious headliner, closed it out with an extended tour de force yukfest that you had to be there to experience. Seriously, Tom Cotter is a pro, and we appreciate his participation.
Thanks to all who helped make this happen, including Tom Foley, Holly-Boo, the Baron Brothers, Lenny, Cosmo, Rick G., Louie, Ricky Repetti, and any other Elks we're leaving out. Also thanks to Perry and Karen at Hoboken411.com for making this awesome video of the night. Enjoy!
November 15, 2007
OVER 200 ATTEND THIRD NOT-SO-ANNUAL HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT
We did not think it possible, but the Third Not-So-Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy Night actually outdid itself in terms of entertainment and also revenue. Over $3900 raised for the Edwin Chius Scholarship fund as well as the the Cancer Fund.
The night started with another round of famous butta-leg from reknowned, legendary Elks Tom Foley, Cosmo, Louie, and Hally-Boo -- italian sausage, fish cakes, and linguinie with clam sauce. A spread fit for a king, or a glutton, or both.
As usual, bagpipes legend Colin Nisbet kicked off the festivities, with his traditional Irish jig. Your genial hosts, the Knuckleheads, set the mood with their brand new rendition of their original "The Altar Boy Song," as well as a tailor-made ditty for a certain lucky member of the audience who was unfortunate enough to volunteer.
Nancy Witter (Nick at Nite) was game enough to kick things off with her trademark panache and style. Her observations on national guard uniforms in airports and Grand Central were spot on and hilarious. Karith Foster (Comedy Central's Premium Blend) let this crowd know that she had "out-whited" all of them, when she had played a gig in Connecticut at a restaurant where "there weren't even Mexican's in the kitchen." Ted McElroy (The Joey Reynolds Radio Show), back by popular demand, once again crushed the room, with a blistering topical set including observations on NBC's "To Catch a Predator." Straight from the Continental Congress, Benjamin Frankin (a.k.a. Mike Birch) pretty much freaked everybody out, but in a good way, laying his "sex cards" on the table. Next, Vito Lantz, regarding the firing of the actor on Grey's Anatomy for calling a fellow cast member a "faggot," reminded us all that if you're an actor on Grey's Anatomy, "here's a news flash -- you're both faggots." Michael Somerville (Late Night with David Letterman) wrapped things up with a killer set hitting on almost every facet of dating life.
September 10, 2007
"PONY UP!" GOES VIRAL, HITS FORD STADIUM JUMBOTRON
The Knuckleheads' gave permission for the edited (censored) version of their brand new Youtube hit "Pony Up!" , the unofficial fight song of the SMU Mustangs, to appear on the jumbotron at Ford Stadium during the SMU-North Texas football game in Dallas this past Saturday. Early reports indicate that the North Texas marching band played the Southlake Carroll High School fight song during the entire thing.
That said, even the most reasonable of Knucklehead-heads would have to admit this video (over 28,000 hits in 11 days) has gone viral. Emphasis on viral.
Negotiations are underway with wives for a homecoming trip November 10th. Updates will be posted here.
July 21st, 2007
"WHISTLING PAST THE GRAVEYARD"
This week, the Knuckleheads and their song "Respect for the Dead" were the subject of an insightful, probing article in the Lynchburg (Virginia) News and Advance. Many thanks to veteran journalist Darrell Laurant for his impeccable taste, and for finding our humble ditty worthy of his column. Guess this means there's no turning back now, huh? We gotta set up a Lynchburg show. Soon! Anyway, enjoy!
June 22nd, 2007
KNUCKLEHEADS ON CHANNEL 7 NEWS
Amazingly, Spence & Hano were among several comedic acts featured by "On Call with Dr. Jay Adlersberg" on Channel 7 Eyewitness News Friday, in a feature spotlighting the ComedyCures Foundation, called "Using Comedy to Cure Cancer." Many thanks to the lovely Saranne Rothberg for our inclusion in this event.
April 3rd, 2007
"OWEN WILSON" TRACK OF THE DAY ON GARAGEBAND.COM
Wanted y'all to know that "Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry," currently hanging tough on Garageband.com's Comedy Chart, will be featured as Garageband's TRACK OF THE DAY tomorrow, April 4th. There's nothing to vote on here (we've already been voted Track of the Day, duh!), but we'd still like to see ol' Owen get as many clicks as possible tomorrow. That's what we'd like in a perfect world.
March 23, 2007
"OWEN WILSON" RECOGNIZED AGAIN
"Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry" garnered another international kudo this week, being named a Top Finalist in the Great American Song Contest. Over 2000 submissions from 40 countries. Woo hoo! Git on and ride this Knucklefunk train!
March 5, 2007
OVER 180 ATTEND SECOND NOT-SO-ANNUAL HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT; ALL GET FOOD
On Friday, March 2nd, 2007, Hoboken Elks Comedy Night once again rattled its formidable antlers in the basement of the the historic Hoboken Elks Lodge. Over 180 Hobokenites were in attendance.
After a mildly uncomfortable situation involving severely innebriated Jersey City Elks trying to sneak in for FREE, and subsequently making a drunken scene about the location of their table (not cool, Jersey City Elks! Not cool!), upstanding, paid-in-full patrons were treated to the smorgasbord of butta-leg gluttony that is Tom Foley & Holly-boo's ("We can't spell it, we can only say it") famous meatballs, fish cakes, and linguine with clam sauce.
Show kicked off at 9:00 p.m. "sharp" with some serious hardcorn-grindgrass-fullbarn-stompdown from the Demolition String Band. These guys kick so much bluegrass hind end it's not even funny. In an alternate universe, we would like to be them when we grow up. It was kind of like that scene in Back to the Future III when ZZ Top played the Old West hoedown where you had to check your guns at the door? That's what this was like. Thoroughly bad ass.
With help from Hoboken bagpipes legend Colin Nisbet, the Knuckleheads opened the comedy program with style, panache and sublime idiocy for the first 15 minutes. After rousing renditions of classic Knucklefunk anthems "Perfect Date," "Pick Up That Doo-Doo" and "Time to Hide the Porn," they decided to give up the stage to the real talent, starting with Jimmy Q. Amazingly, Jimmy managed to convince the entire crowd he was Irish until 6 minutes into his set. The laughs didn't slow down after he spilled the beans. Jess Wood was scheduled to be next up, but fell ill last minute. Never fear...our good friend Ted McElroy of Don't Tell Mama and "Joey Reynolds Radio Show" fame was man enough to step in on obscenely short notice for the worthy cause. He blew the doors off the place, as expected. Thank you Ted. Hoboken Trivia Quiz followed, and of course, a heaping helping of Mike's Bag of Fun (how in the hell do you bring enough Fun for 180 people??). Greg Aidala, also known as the "the Phattest Phunnyman in the Capital District," followed with a blistering set, culminating in his patented, absolutely SICK Al Pacino impression (seriously, you've gotta hear this). Next, Townienews.com's "resident film critic and sports enthusiast," Red Sox Nation's own Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald (Nick Stevens) swaggered unto the breach, and all but converted a mob of drunken, heckling Jersey City Yankee devotees through sheer force of ascerbic wit and iron will. Once again, Fitzy showed New Jersey he got himself a pair, leaving carnage in his wake. Tom Shillue of Comedy Central fame batted clean-up, with a wickedly dapper suit to match his seasoned comedic skill. Colin Nisbet comes back on with the bagpipes version of "God Bless America," and whattaya know, it's 11:00! Time flies when you're bustin' a gut at Hoboken Elks Comedy Night!
Thanks to all our talented performers, as well as Elks Tom Foley, Holly-boo, Jake, bartender Ricky, Bill, Billy, too many other Elks to mention here, and our beloved outgoing Exalted Ruler Susan Repetti for giving the green light to this project once again. This was one bang-up night of entertainment, thanks to you.
February 26, 2007
SECOND NOT-SO-ANNUAL HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT KICKS OFF ON FRIDAY
It's that time again, kids...the long-awaited return of the wildly popular Hoboken Elks Comedy Night! With your genial hosts, the Knuckleheads. Featuring...
TOM SHILLUE ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien," "Comedy Central Presents Tom Shillue")
JESS WOOD (Sirius Radio, HBO's "Def Comedy Jam")
JIMMY Q (Sirius Radio's Maxim Channel)
NICK STEVENS (VH1, ESPN's "Dream Job," "Fitzy's Wicked Pissah Webcast")
with bagpipes legend COLIN NISBET
A volatile cocktail of bluegrass, bagpipes, buffet dinner, benevolence and buffoonery! Are you feelin' it dog? Served up in style for just $20. And all you gotta do is make a reservation. (201) 656-9602. Call now, drunken Elks are standing by. Early numbers point to another sellout for this show, so quick action is strongly encouraged.
Side note: These reservations are a bit of a pain. But the good thing is, it ensures we will not run out of food. You have our word, the Elks will never. Ever. Run out of food again. On Comedy Night. Ever.
Visit Hoboken Elks Comedy Night on Myspace! Even if you're not planning on attending our show (pansy), we'd still like to be your friend.
See ya on the 2nd! Make your reservations today!
December 16th, 2006
NEW-AND-IMPROVED KNUCKLESTORE EXPLODES WITH QUALITY PRODUCT
At long last, you can now have a handsome Knuckleheads logo emblazoned on just about anything. Click here to browse and enjoy! Merry Christmas!
November 5th, 2006
HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT A SMASHING SUCCESS; ELKS RUN OUT OF FOOD
The First Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy night was a table-thumpin' smash. A ravenous, enthusiastic overflow crowd of over 150 made for a great comedy atmosphere, but also caused the Lodge run out of food. Pandemonium ensued! Police were called in to restore order! (Actually, if you want to know the truth, it was a combination of no advance ticket sales, oversized plates, poor planning, and not enough food that caused the Lodge to run out of food, but we'd rather blame it on the people, it's much easier.) Special thanks to Lee Alan Barrett, Ames, Eric Vetter, Nick Stevens (got no food), Vito Lantz (got no food), and that ol' bagpipe aficionado Colin Nisbet, all of whom made it freaking rock. Did we mention some of the performers got no food? Click here for photos and online reader reviews (mostly good) of the show on the website Hoboken411.com.
(boom chicka boom chicka boom chicka boom chicka...)
Mike: Hey Spence!
Spence: Hey Mike!
Mike: How much does a PITCHER OF BEER cost at THE ELKS LODGE?
Spence: I don't know Mike, how much does a PITCHER OF BEER cost at the ELKS LODGE?
Mike: FIVE DOLLARS! (silence) Get it? Ha ha! There's nothin' to get! 'Cause it's no joke! It really only costs five dollars! HIYO!!! Try THAT at Dangerfield's, paht-neh!
Our own pictures of the event are now up. Go check em out!
Response to this auspicious "First Annual" show at the Elk Lodge has been positive. The Knuckleheads (got no food) are considering not waiting another year to produce the next one. And selling advance tickets. That way the Elks will know how much cream chipped beef to make. Don't that crease yer Sundy-goda-meetins?
October 22, 2006
FIRST ANNUAL HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT APPROACHES WITH ALL-STAR LINE-UP
Friends, the day is almost upon us. On Friday, November 3rd, 2006, the Knuckleheads will make history in Hoboken, NJ. They will host and produce the First Annual Hoboken Elks Comedy Night. For a nominal fee of $20, this is what you will receive. The proceedings kick off at 8:00 p.m. with a collosal buffet dinner. We don't know exactly what's on the menu yet, but trust us people: when it comes to over-the-top Roman butta-leg banquets, the Elks do not kid around. You have our word, you will leave this place feeling like a tick. Then, the all-out, balls to the wall comedy FUN starts at 9:30 sharp, with your genial hosts, the Knuckleheads (deafening roar). Deluxe, star-studded line-up is as follows: (!)
US (yeah!!! crowd roars again)
VITO LANTZ (Showtime) ~ Warning: This comedian already caused two heart attacks at our show at Lodge 1403.
NICK STEVENS (Comedy Central, VH1's "Best Week Ever," ESPN's "Dream Job," host of "The Shark Show") That's right, we pullin' out the big guns, suckas!
LEE ALAN BARRETT (Illusionist extraordinaire!!!) This man bends spoons without touching them!
ERIC VETTER (host of "No Name...and a Bag o' Chips") A great comic whose dad happens to be a Moose! We dont' care!
And More!!! Much, much more!!!
*** ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT THE HOBOKEN ELKS EDWIN CHIUS SCHOLARSHIP FUND ***
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP cash bar all night long! Ping pong with Korean War veterans all night long! Need we say more? Git yo *ss to Hoboken on Novermber 3rd!!!
FIRST ANNUAL HOBOKEN ELKS COMEDY NIGHT
8:00 p.m.
(8:00 dinner, 9:30 show)
Hoboken Elks Lodge No. 74
(Washington & 10th Street)
Hoboken, New Jersey
Directions: PATH train to Hoboken. Sprint up Washington Street. Enter Elks Lodge at 10th Street. Order large $1.50 beer. Drink. Look at American flags. Watch Knuckleheads. Laugh.
See ya there!
August 7, 2006
KNUCKLEHEADS TO ROCK RIVER TO RIVER FESTIVAL, HIPSTERS, SOUTH STREET SEAPORT
On Saturday, August 12th, the Knuckleheads will appear on the River to River Festival stage as one of 10 finalists in the Mountain Stage NewSong New York! contest, on Pier 17 at South Street Seaport. This is a free event. All self-respecting Knucklehead-heads who consider themselves worth a damn must be present.
July 18, 2006
K-HEADS REPEAT: "DOO-DOO" HONORED AT 2006 MOUNTAIN STAGE NEWSONG FESTIVAL
Inexplicably, a K-heads song has once again made it onto the Honorable Mention list of the internationally reknowned Mountain Stage NewSong Festival. "Pick Up That Doo-Doo," their wildly infectious, mildly offensive ode to the importance of picking up one's dog's poop, took top honors in the Humor Category, over thousands of other applicants from all corners of the globe. This marks the second consecutive year a Knuckleheads ditty has done so, coming right on the heels of 2005's "Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry" and "My Dog is a Bigot." In short, the K-heads OWN this freaking category, son! Woo hoo!!! Read it and weep, suckas!!! (sigh...) Man, it's hard to be humble.
Anyway...uh...if anybody's actually interested, you can view the full list of 2006 Festival honorees by clicking here.
July 12, 2006
LEO
Say hello, America, to the newest addition to the Knuckleheads family, Lord Leo, not of the lake.
July 8, 2006
CONVERSION TO ELKDOM COMPLETE
On June 29th, Spence was inducted into the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks, USA, joining Hano, who acted as his paht-neh and generous sponsor. Elks Lodge No. 74 in Hoboken will function as Spence's Home Lodge, while Elks Lodge No. 1403 in Mechanicville, NY will function as Hano's Home Lodge. Both lodges provide ping pong and cheap buttwizah, so when you're an Elk, does it really matter which lodge you play ping pong and drink cheap buttwizah at?. Hano is reportedly the second-best ping pong player in the Hoboken Lodge (living next door, he gets lots of practice, presumably). A distinguished gentleman named "Jake" WAS (we repeat WAS) reportedly third-best, until Spence came out of nowhere and whooped his ass 2-out-of-3 on initiation night, surprising Jake and making Jake very angry. Spence has yet to whip Hano, but...well, that may never happen. Hano is pretty good.
A local Knucklefunk explosion has been scheduled for Mechanicville Lodge No. 1403, on Saturday, September 9th, 2006. In the name of a charity TBA! Albany residents represent!
Trivia: Did you know that the middle three letters of "Knucklehead" spelled backwards are "Elk?" Coincindence? We think not.
On a more important note...we're not sure if we'll ever do this joke at a show...so here goes, before we forget it:
(Boom chicka boom chicka boom chicka boom chicka...)
Mike: Hey Paht-neh!
Spence: Wassup now Paht-neh!
Mike: What do you call it when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles play tennis?
Spence: I don't know Mike, what do you call it when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles play tennis?
Mike: "Endless love!"
(Both Knuckleheads laugh heartily.)
April 27, 2006
THE K-HEADS GO DIGITAL
Is there one Knuckleheads song you really, really like? Do you not enjoy that song enough to buy all the other crappy songs that come with it? Do you love all forms of Knucklefunk, but are too cheap and/or lazy to pop for our CD online? If so, quit your bellyachin'. Individual tracks from our first full-length CD, "Live at the Sidewalk," are now available for download on Napster, Rhapsody, and Itunes.
March 23, 2006
HANO, NEEN TIE THE KNOT
On March 18th, Michael Francis Hannon and Colleen Marie "The Neen" Patrick were finally married at the Niskayuna Reformed Church, just outside of Albany, NY. A supreme, table-thumpin'-smash, bad-ass time was had by all.
Friday's rehearsal dinner was held at the the American Legion in Mechanicsville. Friends, in terms of ambiance, it does not get any more cocky than this. We're talkin' about corned beef, cabbage (for St. Paddy's day!), buttwizah, and rubes all over the freaking place. Spence and Deem performed a new song, entitled "Bourbon With Hano," in honor of their dear friend on the eve of his special day. And in an unexpected move, Hano and Neen doled out upscale freebees to all their guests! Flat out cocky!!!
No offense to the Hilton or those who stayed there, but the Desmond Hotel Albany was a veritable Paht-neh Convention. By noon on Saturday, it was bloody marys in Spence & Deem's room with the groom, Lou, Dano, his glowing wife Julie, knuckledog Lucy and several others. Even Frank stopped by to play a little guitsteel.
The photo session was quite possibly the most laid back wedding photo session ever. (Maybe it only seemed like that because of the bloody marys.) Either way, soon we were off to the church for the real deal. The place was packed with Paht-nehs. Spence sang "Uncle John's Band" with Susan and Frank (The Skelltones), and Hano and Neen recited beautiful vows they wrote themselves.
The reception and after party were...um...well, details are sketchy. You'll have to check out the PHOTOS, we're not really sure what went down.
Other Capital-P Paht-nehs in attendance included Fish (who doubled has Hano's dance floor pack mule); dynamic Paht-duo Maryann and Chuckie Gale; Godlove's sexiest employee Hot Toddy; Hury (who, at 5:30 a.m., in the midst of his erudite treatise on the ins-and-outs of roasting yankee brains with potatoes over an open flame, found his equilibrium compromised and went down backwards like a mighty redwood); Dicky; Riordan (who reportedly was able at the after party to feed Spence's dog approximately two pounds of pastries in under 30 minutes); Schiff; and the man whose legend continues to grow, the man who is still the only Paht-neh who actually goes by the name of Paht-neh, Tommy Cantello. (On a side note, Paht-neh reportedly spent the night fully clothed in the lobby of the Hilton Hotel. Cocky.) Oh, and speaking of spending the night fully clothed, Jim was present the entire weekend as well. This guy won't stop following the K-heads around. Not sure what his problem is, he must be a stalker.
February 26, 2006
** URGENT BULLETIN **
In a joint statement released earlier today, the K-heads announced that their guitars have names. The names are as follows: Hano's trusty Ibanez will henceforth be known as "Backfire." And from this day forward, Spencer's Martin DC-15E will answer only to the name "Maynard." All future addressing of said guitars must utilize the aforementioned monikers, or they simply will not answer you.
February 20, 2006
REE-REE HANNON (1992-2006)
She's gonna find out,
When the judgement day comes,
If there's a place in Doggy Heaven
For David Duke with no thumbs.
But if she's goin' in the oven,
I guess I'll meet her at the gate.
Cause I just can't stop lovin'
My little furry hunk o' hate.
~ from "My Dog is a Bigot"
It is with great sadness that we report that Ree-Ree, otherwise known as "The Greatest Hound Ever to Catch Baloney Frisbees and Bark Exclusively at Minorities," departed this life on February 17th, 2006. She was 14.
November 25th, 2005
PAHT-NEH OF THE MONTH RETURNS
After a brief sabbatical to take sensitivity awareness courses at Larchmont University, the Knuckleheads are pleased and proud to announce the triumphant return of one of their most popular web features, "Paht-neh of the Month." Let's all extend a laurel and hardy handshake to November 2005 Paht-neh of the Month Joe O'Brien.
November 22nd, 2005
~ This piece of paper was handed to Hano by comedian Tom Shillue a couple weeks ago. Make your own judgements.
November 7th, 2005
UNKNOWN MAN DONS KNUCKLEHEADS T-SHIRT TO IMPRESS WAITRESS, FAILS
"Hey Guys!
"Last night, while expertly serving 24 oz. glasses of beer--mostly Budweiser--I came across a scruffy looking man wearing...you guessed it...a Knuckleheads T-shirt!
"I stopped my pleasant and mildly flirtatious conversation to scream "The Knuckleheads?! I know the Knuckleheads!! Ohmygod! I love the Knuckleheads!!! How do you know them?" He said yes, he knew you guys, his name was Kevin, and I was thrilled. I revealed myself as a former Paht-neh of the Month and then went to the bar to get them their beer--can't make a fellow Knuckle fan wait for booze! I came back with free shots, because well, any fan of the K-heads is a friend of mine.
"I went back for round two 20 minutes later and juiced Kevin for more information. How well he knew you guys, where he met you, etc. Kevin proceeds to tell me about his career of "shooting music videos" in the "east village" for the past "30 years" and how he has hung out with "everyone who has played at CB's." From the Ramones to Anthrax. Hmmmm...I thought to myself. Well, the Knuckleheads are not really a CB's kind of band...slowly, I said "Where did you say you knew them from?" "Well, uh, actually, this is my friend's shirt, she gave it to me," he admitted. "Ah," I said, "So you don't know them?" "No," he quietly said. At this point his quiet friend with bug eyes said, "Did you say you had been a Playmate of the Month?" "Uhh, no," I said, "Paht-neh of the Month." I tried to conceal my disgust with understanding as I am frequently confused with playmates. They then tried to maintain the vibe started under false pretenses, but with a non-existent Knucklebond my time for them was short. As the night progressed, it became clear to me somewhere along the line, in the midst of your increasing fame, someone realized that a Knuckleheads T-shirt will get you free drinks at the right bar! Beware of imposters! Tell all your bartender friends!
"xoxoxoxo,
"Alice
"PS- I guess I should have known something was up when they ordered Stella..."
October 12th, 2005
MUSTANGS KNOCK OFF UAB
Final score Saturday nite: SMU 28, University of Alabama-Birmingham 27.
Click here for stupendous audio of the final play. Go Stangs! (Hey, it's kind of Knuckleheads-related...)
July 29th, 2005
"OWEN WILSON," "BIGOT" RECEIVE HONORS AT 2005 MOUNTAIN STAGE NEWSONG FESTIVAL
Two classic Knuckleheads songs, "Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry" and "My Dog is a Bigot," received Honorable Mention in the initial round of the 2005 Mountain Stage NewSong Contest, presented by Performing Songwriter magazine. The K-heads were the only artists to have more than one song recognized. The NewSong Festival will be held August 27-28, in Wild and Wonderful Shepherdstown, West Virginia. The winner of the contest will perform their winning song on the internationally broadcast "Mountain Stage" TV program. The K-heads will be heading down to WV on August 26th. They cannot decide whether to camp out on the festival grounds like the rest of the contestants, or stay at the Days Inn. (Hano has never been camping, and is afraid.) Click here for the full list of honorees.
HANO MOVES TO HOBOKEN, JOINS LOCAL ELKS LODGE, SETS WEDDING DATE
At long last, Knucklehead Michael Hannon has packed up and moved to Hoboken, NJ, with his recently betrothed, the Neen, and the Ree. He claims the PATH train is actually quite pleasant, and that we all should try it sometime. He also has reportedly joined Elks Lodge No. 1403, in Mechanicville NY, and frequents Elks Lodge No. 74, in Hoboken, right next door to his new home. How this will affect the K-heads' burgeoning relationship with Ridgewood Moose Lodge No. 1642 is anyone's guess, but we will cross that bridge. Hano extends an open invitation to Knucklehead-heads far and wide to come on out to "the Boke" and suck down some Buttwizahs with his newfound Elk paht-nehs.
The wedding date of Hano and the Neen is set: March 18, 2006, in scenic Niskayuna, New York!
June 8th, 2004
K-HEADS TAKE HOME HIZZA AWARD FOR BEST COMEDY DUO
On June 4th, The Knuckleheads attended the Happy Hour Salon Audience Appreciation Awards, and emerged victorious, with a "Hizza" for Best Comedy Duo. Ah, victory is sweet. Perhaps most importantly, it's nice to know that we are more adept at strong-arming friends and family to vote for us than our competitors. Sincere thanks to all who did. We are truly humbled, and we will never, never let you down.
"TOMMY MADE OWEN WILSON CRY" HITS THE AIRWAVES
Don't look now, but it seems The Knuckleheads' grim morality tale "Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry" is currently getting heavy rotation on the "Two Guys Named Chris Morning Show," on WKRR-FM, Greensboro, North Carolina. The knowledge that so many Stamey's Barbecue patrons are getting their inaugural taste of Knucklefunk makes our heart swell with pride.
What's that? You'd like to pretend to be a Greensboro resident and request "Tommy?" No problem! Click here!
May 23rd, 2004
K-HEADS NOMINATED FOR PRESTIGIOUS HIZZA AWARD (BEST COMEDY DUO)
Friends, let's be honest. A Hizza Award would no doubt be flattering. We are, indeed, quite flattered just to be nominated. But let's get one thing straight. We didn't just fall off the turnip truck. The Knuckleheads have been garnering public praise, recognition and adulation for years. As a recent example, Spence took home a Linkhorne Middle School "Big Green" Award in 1981. It was presented to the entire football team upon successful completion of the season. And who could forget Hano's nod for Best Actor, for his memorable turn as Sandy in the Junior Class production of Grease.
Come to think of it, 22 years is a long time to go between awards, huh? Maybe we should try to get one of these Hizzas. Think what it'll do for Hano's self-esteem! Go cast your vote now (or before June 3rd) at:
And by the way, you really should go check out Joanna and her "Happy Hour Salon" up at Siberia! She puts on some kinda cocky program every 1st and 3rd Friday at 6:00 p.m. We flat out luurrve that woman!
IMPORTANT NOTE: Due to apparent benign drunkenness on the part of their webmaster, we are erroneously listed as "The Knucklehead" on the ballot. Please do not panic, or be confused by this. Rest assured, the Knuckleheads have not split up, and Hano is not performing alone. Anyway, no biggie. If we don't win, it just gives us something convenient to blame it on. Sweeeet!
Friday, June 4th
6:00 p.m.
"THE HAPPY HOUR SALON AUDIENCE APPRECIATION AWARDS"
(a.k.a. HIZZA AWARDS)
Siberia
356 W. 40th St. (at 9th Ave.)
nyc
April 9th, 2004
PAHT-NEHS TO MARRY IN OCTOBER
December 2002 Paht-neh of the Month Jennifer Simard and April 2003 Paht-neh of the Month Brad Robertson recently became engaged, further cementing the Knuckleheads' reputation as the hottest "date show" in the tristate area. On a recent trip to Paris, Robertson reportedly dished the rock, in true romantic fashion, atop the Eiffel Tower.
"I was so surprised and thrilled!" recalls Simard, blushing at the memory, choking back tears. "Thank you, oh, thank you, Knuckleheads, for bringing us together!"
Robertson echoes her gratitude. "I'd been thinking about taking the plunge for a while, I just couldn't find the words. Then one night at Sidewalk I heard Spence and Hano singing that beautiful love ballad 'Piece of Your Heart.' It touched me in such a profound way, specifically that plaintive, gut-wrenching third verse:
"I would wrestle a bear,
Breathe a deadly virus,
Cut off my sleeves and wear
My hair like Billy Ray Cyrus...
For a piece of your...
Just a piece of your heart.
"I thought, wow. It just says it all, you know? A man can't love a woman more than that. I wasn't afraid anymore. I knew I'd found my voice."
The reaction of the French bystanders to these loud, a capella Knuckleheads lyrics is unclear. Simard recalls they were slightly horrified, while Robertson steadfastly maintains they enjoyed it. Either way, this day marked the beginning of a long, rewarding journey together for Jenn and Brad, and the Knuckleheads could not be more proud of their Paht-nehs. Click here to congratulate them.
KNUCKLEHEADS WEB POLL #9 RESULTS:
Q: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SPOTTED A KNUCKLEHEADS STICKER IN A CAB?
30% ~ "More than once."
4% ~ "Once."
30% ~ "Never."
37% ~ "I don't live in NYC. You just wasted 12 seconds of my life." (Yeah, then what are you doing at our site? Hmmm? Obviously, this is a testament to the Knuckleheads' ever-increasing global appeal. Sweeet!)
January 20th, 2004
KNUCKLEHEAD NARRATES VH-1'S "100 HOTTEST HOTTIES"
If you've watched 100 Hottest Hotties, the latest in a cavalcade of shameless, trashy, mindless programming from our friends at VH-1, you've probably found yourself thinking, "Forget these waxed pecs and silicone boobs, dammit! I want me some of that sexy narrator!" Well, the narrator is none other than your favorite dancing monkey, Knucklehead Michael Hannon. That's right. Check your local listings and tune in. Hear Hano utter gems like: "If you're gonna name your son 'Viggo [Mortenson],' the least you can do is make sure he's a stud, and not some nerd who picks his nose and eats it." Or, "Johnny Depp is soooooo HOT. [sigh...sigh]" We don't want to give much away, but we will divulge that Angelina Jolie comes in at #2, despite having the facial features of a large mouth bass.
Hano also recently appeared in multiple TV promos for the College Football Bowl Championship Series on ABC. His memorable turn as a psychiatric-patient/football-fanatic is now available for your viewing pleasure on the Knucklefunk page.
October 15th, 2003
COCKY VIDEO ADDED TO ALREADY-COCKY KNUCKLEFUNK PAGE
Visit the Knucklefunk page to view assorted video clips of the Knuckleheads at Takeout Comedy in Chinatown, nyc. Special thanks to our homey, Jami Gong (founder, producer, and host of Takeout Comedy), otherwise known as "Mr. Chinatown," for supplying some of the clips. Also a hearty shoutout to the Neen, for her cinematographic expertise.
KNUCKLEHEAD WEB POLL #8 RESULTS:
Q: THE KNUCKLEHEADS' SONG "TOMMY MADE OWEN WILSON CRY" IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY. WHAT PERCENTAGE IS FACT?
16% ~ "ZERO PERCENT" (Undoubtedly a voting block comprised entirely of disillusioned women. Wake up, ladies! Owen Wilson is a crybaby!)
3% ~ "25 PERCENT" (Not even close. You probably memorized The Minus Man.)
10% ~ "50 PERCENT" (Still not even close.)
32% ~ "80 PERCENT" (CORRECT ANSWER. Yeah, that's right. You're probably wondering about the other 20%. Well, ever heard of artistic license for dramatic effect? Hard facts: Did Owen try to pull "celebrity rank" over a pool table? Yes. Did Owen offer to kick Tom's ass? Yes. Did Tom initially decline, then reconsider, and take him up on his offer? Yes. Did Owen subsequently FOLD like a cheap card table? Yes. DID OWEN WILSON CRY, when he thought he was about to get his ass kicked? Yep, like a freaking schoolgirl. Did he speak all of his sentences in rhyme?...NO. Nobody speaks in rhyme! What do you think he is, like, a rapper?
39% ~ "100 PERCENT" (ALSO THE CORRECT ANSWER. Sure, we'll give it to ya. Really depends how much you hate Owen Wilson. And we hate him a lot.)
September 10th, 2003
The Delta Air Lines commercial starring The Knuckleheads is HERE! To view it, go to the Knucklefunk page.
July 24th, 2003
KNUCKLEHEADS STAR IN DELTA AIR LINES TELEVISION COMMERCIAL
On July 19th, The Knuckleheads completed production on a television commercial for Delta Air Lines. The ad, shot in Atlanta, stars The Knuckleheads as members of an ambiguously gay garage band.
The job was won in unorthodox fashion: Hano strode into casting director Jodi Kipperman's office, sticking his finger in her chest: "I want to go drink Budweiser in HOT-lanta. My Paht-neh here wants to drink Budweiser in HOT-lanta, too. So you put both of us in the commercial, or I'm gonna kick your ass right here in front of everybody." After an uncomfortable silence, Kipperman took Hano aside, and admonished him that another verbal slip and it was HER posse would be doing the ass-kicking. She then stopped, and said, "Wait...that's the third time you've said 'HOT-lanta,' and the seventh time you've said 'Budweiser.' PAHT-NEEHHS!!!" She passed out beers to all present, and The Knuckleheads were cast. (Disclaimer: Stunt was performed by a Knucklehead professional. Do not try this method at an audition, at home, or elsewhere.)
Highlights of the actual shoot include: Hano's valiant effort to have the word "paht-neh" included in the dialog (perhaps persistence will pay off); his apparently successful inclusion of the phrase "BEH-AH-YEEHHH!!"; two traumatic, humiliating shots of Spence earnestly "air-drumming" while running down stairs, and while sitting on an airplane; and an after-shoot visit to a bar that claims to sell more Pabst Blue Ribbon than any bar in the WORLD. Cocky!
The commercial is intended for use in Atlanta only, but look for a copy on this site when it becomes available in late August, for your digital viewing-pointing-laughing pleasure. Click here for PHOTOS OF THE SHOOT!
KNUCKLEHEAD WEB POLL #7 RESULTS:
Q: THE KNUCKLEHEADS NEED A NEW NAME. PLEASE CH0OSE ONE:
3% ~ Boyz II Mike. (Agreed. Absolutely horrible.)
8% ~ The Fiddle Sticks. (General consensus is that "The GUIT-Fiddle Sticks" would have raised this score.)
8% ~ The Stupid Aging Fratboys. (WRONG! Hano was never in a fraternity. So who's stupid NOW?)
14% ~ They Might Be Annoying. (If you prick The Knuckleheads, do they not bleed?)
24% ~ The Dixie Dicks. ("Just so y'all know, we're not ashamed we're not from Texas...uh, wait, turn that around...er, Bush doesn't speak well...Budweiser?")
43% ~ Spence And The Dancing Monkey. (Correct answer.)
