"There is a song on the internet called 'Tommy Made Owen Wilson Cry.' It's ridiculous and annoying. In June it started to get some airplay on a radio station in North Carolina, WKRR. So I took the liberty of rewriting the lyrics for us! (I also understand if the moderators decide to delete this topic if it is something that Owen might not want to be reminded of; I mean it in the best of spirits and defense of O.)
"Tom Cantella is a boastful fellow
He's ever a d**k, he bites
He's a beaver and a wanker
A Credit Suisse canker
Neglectful, infested with mites
Heard WKRR play his Owen Wilson song
At first it kind of made me want to cry
I can't imagine his reasons
It can't be too pleasin'
To piss off the fans of the guy
You see we all became friends in internet land
On the Wilson Brothers Fan Forum
We know Owen's cool
Tom sounds like a fool
We met, we voted, had a quorum
The song the Knuckleheads sing is wearin' thin
We would rather watch O's movies on cable
Tome seemed jealous of O's fame
As soon as he came
So he pushed him around a pool table
Now you see here, cuz
Lucky no one called the fuzz
You broke Owen's cell phone, man
We fans say not cool
Cram that crappy tune
It's a hack bit
You see, we're all big fans
So there's something you should know
Your attitude's low
And Owen's talent is everyone's treat
Beachlover, Heather, Bee and everyone else
We walk the same internet beat
So I rewrote this silly little song
To give you some friendly advice
Consider yourself apprised
Time you realized
Owen Wilson is more than nice
Don't you go makin' fuss
His fans he can trust
No worries from a couple bar jerks
And we say
Shovin' him around was over the border, man
Here's the way we work
If we see Tom, well
Then he might wish for hell
These girls have got their smack down in gear
You know, Owen's so fine
And fighting's out of line
But we'll take you next week or next year
Swift smack to your head
Run home to your bed
Maybe you'll feel safer there
You've been coastin' and boastin'
You ball-less lout
Six hundred will fight you anywhere
So don't back down
Keep your ear to the ground
We'll come from near and from far
Cause we came to bring fear
And some choice jeers
For the one who fought with our favorite star
So listen here be-yotch
One cell phone is what you owe him
Just watch we'll take you to court
Your life sounds really lame
Tom, your story's incentive we cannot exhort
Take some advice my lad
Don't act like a cad
Owen's not the one with a swelled head
You're a knucklehead punk
Get out of your funk
Jealousy makes a poor daily bread
What you try and sell
Won't cause a groundswell
Owen's fans know your tale's just a snoozer
Time to hit refresh
No one here could care less
For this pseudo tough-talkin' star bruiser
Can you imrovise?
Make a girl sigh?
Write a hit play? I bet not, half-wit
Your song simply sucks
You just want to make bucks
Poorly wrought, give me a break, this is s**t
Us fans, we stand united
We will not be blighted
With Owen bashers, bitter menfolk
You see we've heard it before
And it's Owen we adore
Even if we're heartbroke
We're all in on this joke
Until we croak
Then we'll be angels on Owen's shoulder
So as long as Tom's dumpin'
All of us are stumpin'
In O's defense we're bolder
So we say excuse me
It's time Tom punched out
Glad to help you phase out
We abhor your cheap shill, quitter
Bet you're teared up and blinking
Your fifteen minutes sinking
Don't hide, say you're just a kidder
We're takin' you on
From Tuscon to Huron
And we'll smack you down fan to fan
We throw down the glove
Cause it's Owen we love
We'll send you to hell let's see you take it, man
Well we set up the tension
Be remiss not to mention
ISP's you cannot trace
That song was just crude
Our ire you have accrued
Stay out of our internet space
We'll cut off your breath
So if you fear death
Then you'll listen to us you smug squirt
Heed this it's your wake up call
Don't start to bawl
Cause this fight you cannot avert
Tom's just a slacker
No internet hacker
You knew that story was nonrevocable
Next time you're on the net
See what you get
A worm, a virus, bad cables
ISP stopped?
Your banking cropped?
That's the fan VooDoo, Tommy!
Because your song is a snore
We won't take any more
Time to run home to your Mommy
Maybe you should try a swami, Tommy
Don't you run out on this fight
We can break all your bones
That is well known
With group HTML might
If O's name you smear
We'll blight your career
With web-based scandal and disgrace
And that's simply fair
The net can make things disappear
Without a trace
So if you're in a bar
And you meet a star
Better not lay a hand on 'em
Do not even bellow
Just stay real mellow
Because all these fans'll defend him
So beg mercy
Across our knees
Oh little Tommy of barroom fights
And all of fankind will stand aligned
To see O's name in lights
Cause Owen fans made Tom Cantella cry
Owen fans made Tom Cantella cry
Owen fans made Tom Cantella cry
Love Owen Wilson, and not that guy."
~ Wilson-Brothers.com, July 29, 2004
